Become Your Own DeciderI refuse to believe the lie that I am stuck forever. I exercise my freedom to choose to do the next best thing.” – Steve Arterburn

Do you make your own decisions? Or do you let others decide for you? God wants you to make decisions in your life. He gave you a mind to use; He wants you to look to Him for guidance. You should be your own decider—not other people.

As a child, your parents made decisions for you. But now as an adult, you have the right to make choices in life. God wants you to make your own decisions and to incorporate His will and plan in every aspect of your life, including relationships. And it will help if you realize two concepts.

You are not an object.
The opposite sex may have treated you like an object in the past, but you don’t have to let yourself continue to be treated as an object. Sometimes people feel more like an object than a person because of how they are treated in a dating relationship or even in marriage. Some have been taught that the man is the decider. Or, at the very least, he is the tiebreaker. The woman, on the other hand, is not allowed to have much say.

What does the Bible say about relationships, especially marriage? Right before Paul explains marriage in further detail, he says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Both husband and wife (male and female) are to submit themselves to each other. So if you’re married, both you and your spouse need to submit to each other. Then, you can come to a decision together.

Not every marriage looks like this because not all husbands and wives submit to each other and make decisions together. Sadly, in many marriages, one person can feel more like an object than even a person. This might even be the case in your marriage.

In your marriage or another relationship, were you betrayed? Was your spouse unfaithful to you? Or did the person you were dating cheat? If so, they may have seen you as nothing more than an object. They did not consider you when they broke off their marriage vows and commitment.

You are not an object—you are a real-life person. God gave you rights, abilities, desires, and needs. After you’ve been betrayed by someone you love, it takes courage to heal. You will need to learn how to stand up for yourself and voice your needs. In other words, you must become your own decider.

You can make your own decisions.
Now is the time to take control of your life by making your own decisions. Become a decider in your life, including your relationships. You do not have to passively allow evil, unhealthy things to happen in your life. Nor do you have to be a victim or somebody’s doormat.

Become a decider by taking a few bold steps. You need to develop confidence in your ability to make good decisions. It might mean taking a class or joining a group. You must establish some healthy boundaries with people. They will know that you are the decider in your own life—not them. You may need to have a tough talk with someone who has tried to control you by making decisions for you. It’s a step in the right direction, and it’s a good decision!

In becoming a decider of your life, you may need to seek help. Join a Life Recovery Group, or see a licensed Christian counselor. Begin to establish a circle of safe people in your life. Develop confidence, and do whatever it takes to be a decider.

Need more help? Learn more in the book Take Your Life Back by Steve Arterburn and Dr. Dave Stoop. You can purchase the book at, or call 800-NEW-LIFE.