Whenever a disappointment in life remains unresolved, a thin layer of pain is formed over the heart. Over time, and as more and more layers of pain are added, the heart grows heavier and harder. Eventually, a person ends up with a heart of stone.
Anyone or anything that attempts to penetrate its exterior is met with harsh, cold rage. These disappointments range in size—from smaller ones, such as a mom forgetting to give their child a promised ice cream cone, to larger ones like a dad telling a child that he is ashamed of them and wished you had never been born.
But even after a lifetime of mismanaged disappointments that have turned into anger, there’s hope to calm anger.
The actual object of anger must be confirmed. Most of the stuff that creates anger isn’t what a person is furious about. Those are just the triggers that set in motion the wheels of angry behavior. A driver might falsely accuse some out-of-control motorist of their anger when, in fact, it often goes much deeper than that. Therefore, it is essential to identify what has truly ignited this flame of rage. Until one gets to the root, they won’t kill the fruit.
One must address the nerve of disappointment this trigger presses on. Once the object of anger (usually oneself or a wound from the past) becomes essential to manage whatever nerve of disappointment the triggers are pressing on. For example, let’s say a husband is struggling with anger toward his wife. It may press on the nerve of an overbearing mother who never let him take risks and was always in his face about something.
The actual healing from anger begins when a person gets to the emotional nerves in their heart. These are the points at which most of their anger was born. As a person learns what these nerves are, they are better prepared to address them with the truth’s healing power.
Look to God’s promises for the specific need. God’s Word is truth (John 17:17). And it is the truth that ultimately sets a person free (John 8:32). To address the nerves of disappointment that trigger anger, a person who struggles must bring the Word of God to help them heal. Once they touch the layers of pain encasing their hearts with the truth, over time, they will heal from years of anger and bitterness.
How this works is that a person gets to the nerve of disappointment. Let’s say someone never measured up to their father’s strict standards when they were a child or teen. Then as an adult, they can search God’s Word for the truth about their security in Him. And they find excellent passages like Psalm 139:14. As one plants these truths in their mind, they begin to “remove their heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).
In addition, one can meet with others to grow in connectedness. Anger ultimately isolates a person from relationships. They grow distant and cold toward those who love them. To truly calm anger, a person must be in healthy relationships. And in connection, they learn to respond on truth rather than the old method of lashing out.
So, be CALM!