Research shows the average age of exposure to porn is now as young as 8.
As a parent, you have two options: Bury your head in the sand or prepare your son or daughter to resist.
Your child needs a good dose of attention, love, and affection from you. But when those basic needs aren’t met, they’ll look for love in the wrong places. Since you’re their primary role model, modeling biblical principles yourself will give them a good example to follow.
A good place to start is by creating an ongoing dialogue with your children about sex and spirituality.
We read in Deuteronomy 11:19, “Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”
Discuss Healthy Sexuality
You know your child best, so use your own discretion when talking with them about sexuality. However, here are a few suggestions:
- The toddler years are a good time to explain the anatomically correct names for their body parts, as well as appropriate and inappropriate touching.
- In the early elementary years (5-8), provide basic explanations to any of the questions your child may ask you. Children should be modest both inside and outside of the home.
- By the time your child starts the tween years (9-12), give a full disclosure of intercourse and puberty. Teach them God designed sex to be good, but it should happen only between a husband and a wife.
- Help your teen (13-18) set appropriate boundaries with opposite sex; emphasize the physical, emotional, and spiritual reasons for them to wait until they get married to have sex.
Teach Respect for Opposite Sex
Porn portrays women—and, at times, men—as objects. It also changes the wiring in a teen’s brain and teaches them it’s perfectly acceptable to use another person for their own pleasure. To help your teen avoid the trap of a sexual addiction, show them how to treat the opposite sex—and themselves—with respect.
Consistently treat your spouse with respect; your teen is watching and will follow in your footsteps…hopefully. But if you treat your spouse or the opposite sex in a way that is degrading or humiliating, your son or daughter may fall into the same unhealthy patterns.
So, what should you do if your teen is disrespectful to the opposite sex? Always intervene. For example, let’s say your teen son makes a crude remark about a girl. You could respond by saying, “I will not tolerate you talking about this young woman like that.”
Set Firm Limits
Before you let your child or teen have any electronic device, set clear guidelines. Having electronics is a privilege, not a right. So you, as a parent, should let them know you have the right to check their devices at any time.
Here are a few tips:
- Instead of a smartphone, the first phone you give your teen should be a flip phone without internet access.
- Let your teen know if someone texts them porn, or if they come across it online or anywhere else, they should to let you know immediately.
- Download an internet filter, like covenant eyes, on all of your electronics; check devices often to make sure filter is working properly.
- Avoid letting your teen use electronics behind closed doors. This means you’ll need to keep computers and video game consoles in a common area and have your teen give you their electronic devices each night.
- Set a password for your internet access and downloading apps; these passwords should be kept secret and changed often.
- Know all of the passwords for your teen’s social media accounts and email addresses.
What should you do if your teen has been sexting or looking at inappropriate materials? Be calm and have an honest discussion with them about what kind of struggles you’ve had with temptation yourself. Being transparent with them is an invitation for them to open up to you about their struggles.
Your teen isn’t struggling with porn just because of sex. It may be that there’s a void in their life. After all, some teens feel lonely and depressed and this may be a wake-up call for you to reach out and spend more time with them.
You may consider sending them to see a counselor. They’ll need help addressing the struggles that led them into getting involved with pornography in the first place. And your teen will need to replace all the time they spend on their electronic devices with new hobbies such as: sports, music, art, and youth group.
When it comes to porn, you may be tempted to bury your head in the sand. Instead, equip your teen with the tools they need to stay away from one of the biggest challenges they may ever have to face. And remember, your teen has one good thing going for them—you. So choose to be a positive, Christ-like role model for them.