Much has been said about the “Father Wound.” That is, the effect a poor relationship with Dad can have on a person’s future. On the one hand, I can say without hesitation it’s all true. If there is one single element, I’ve found in common among those I’ve counseled, it’s the “Father Wound.” And yet, now that I’m facing the challenges inherent in fathering a son, I’m painfully aware of the other side of the story.
It was so easy to talk about what fathers should or shouldn’t be. I was new to the game, the proud stepfather of a lovably energetic five-year-old boy. Huge mistakes, mostly mine, hadn’t yet been made. His adolescence was years off, so our days were playful, and I was his hero. No wonder it was so easy for me to look critically at older fathers. I was determined never to become one.
Since then, the boy I loved has become the man who’s forgiven me. (more…)
“A physical wound must be cleaned and medicated rather than ignored.
Emotional wounds also need attention. They don’t simply just fade away.” – Steve Arterburn
Many children are taught to stuff their emotions down. They’re often told to stop crying. And if they do reveal their feelings, anger is the emotion that surfaces, usually in the form of a big tantrum. This might’ve worked as a child—it doesn’t work as an adult. Yet, some adults still haven’t learned to deal with the wounds causing their outbursts.
If someone doesn’t repair the damage done to them, they repeat it. For example, parenting will trigger unprocessed emotions from childhood. Just ask any parent! Adulting, many times, displays the unhealed wounds of the past, even if someone isn’t a parent. Recognizing there is healing to be done is the first step to a better life. (more…)
Is anger a sin? No, anger itself is not wrong. The Bible says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV). Although anger is not a sin, it’s a signal that calls you to action. It alerts you that something is wrong, and it gives you a desire to respond. Sometimes our response results in a sinful reaction. You’ll need to first look at the root cause of your anger.
Root Causes of Anger
Hurt is a root cause of anger. If someone hurts you, you get angry. Let’s say your significant other was having an affair. (more…)
“When you are tempted to lose your temper over the minor inconveniences of life, don’t!” – Steve Arterburn
Life is frustrating.
There will be traffic, kids, arguments, deadlines, and the never-ending to-do list. This very day, you will encounter something—or someone—difficult. You have a choice to make: Will you remain calm? Or, will you lose your temper? How you respond says a lot about you.
Anger is a natural, God-given emotion. It’s okay to feel angry. However, you must learn to control it. Proverbs 15:18 (NLT) says, “A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.” (more…)
“So then, putting away falsehood let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not make room for the adversary.” – Ephesians 4:25-27
The Bible gives us a great strategy in Ephesians for dealing with our anger in a godly manner. It says there are appropriate times to be angry. In the original language, the word for “anger” in Ephesians 4:25-27 is in the imperative – meaning it is a command. At times, we are commanded to be angry. But it holds in tension that the anger must be expressed in a way that is not sinful or destructive to the person who is offended, or to the group or individual with whom we are angry. (more…)