Are you tired of attracting unsafe people? When you start to surround yourself with safe people, you will form healthier relationships. David put it this way, “Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers,” (Psalm 1:1).
If you want to attract safe people, you must take steps to become a safe person yourself. Also, you will need to identify whether someone is safe. To help you, here are the top ten traits of unsafe people.
- Unsafe people influence you negatively.
A safe person is someone who influences you to be the person God wants you to be. An unsafe person, however, wants you to be the person they want you to be, even if this will lead to your demise.
- Unsafe people demand trust rather than earn it.
If someone expects you to trust them immediately after meeting, be careful! Watch to see if a person shows consistent, caring behavior over time. This means they are safe—you can begin to trust them.
- Unsafe people flatter but don’t confront.
An unsafe person points out your good qualities only so you will like them. But they don’t like confrontation. On the other hand, a safe person is willing to confront you in a way that is honest and kind.
- Unsafe people don’t grow.
No one is perfect; everyone needs to grow. An unsafe person, though, avoids growing by blaming others or denying they have a problem. But a safe person admits the areas they struggle with and gets help.
- Unsafe people don’t want you to grow.
Look around. Do you have people in your life who oppose your growth? This is a sign they may be unsafe. As you grow, unsafe people become angry and resentful. Seek out people who want you to grow and heal.
- Unsafe people lie and manipulate.
Anyone who is consistently deceptive is unsafe. They lie, control, and manipulate to benefit themselves. Develop relationships with people who are honest and willing to admit their faults.
- Unsafe people resist boundaries.
Boundaries are a way to take care of yourself. An unsafe person will disrespect your boundaries by arguing, blaming, ignoring, manipulating, threatening, or physically hurting you.
- Unsafe people are unforgiving.
In an unhealthy relationship, grudges are held and people are unwilling to forgive. But forgiveness is vital. Healthy relationships happen when each person accepts responsibility for their part, asks for forgiveness, and extends forgiveness to the other person.
- Unsafe people prefer isolating instead of connecting.
The more isolated a person is, the more disconnected he or she is. They are closed off to relationships. A safe person, though, is open to relationships. They have friends with whom they can connect. Likewise, they don’t expect one person to meet all of their needs.
- Unsafe people don’t change.
Someone may say they’re sorry, but do they change? Apologies and promises must be followed by behavior change. If someone says “I’m sorry” but doesn’t change, it’s a trait of an unsafe person.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has these traits, proceed with caution. Get help by calling 800-NEW-LIFE. We can help you find a licensed counselor, get connected to a Life Recovery Group, and receive life-changing resources.